Ants in My Pants!

by Gunnar Madsen

Ants in My Pants! cover art
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1.
02:34
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2.
04:13
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3.
02:27
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02:08
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02:46
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01:11
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02:39
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02:55
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9.
03:32
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03:30
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11.
04:02
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12.
01:51
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13.
02:35
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about

• Parents' Choice Gold Award
• Publishers Weekly "Listen Up" Award
• CMW "Best Recording for Older Children"
• One of 200 CDs that Mattered in 2001 - Tower Pulse Magazine

"Uproarious, dizzyingly imaginative! “ Family Fun Magazine

“A breathtakingly lovely journey of the imagination.” Parents’ Choice®

"Wildly entertaining and highly recommended!" Midwest Book Review

“As witty as all get-out and often unexpectedly touching, too. As much for adults to enjoy as children, with fab, sophisticated instrumentals and vocals--some from his a cappella roots--gorgeous melodies, and musical references to classic Elvis, doo-wop, early 1960s rock and 1940s singing cowboys.”
Los Angeles Times

“Your child’s bound to lap it all up." Parenting Magazine

credits

released 20 November 2001
Ballad of the Lonesome Rider ©1999 Gunnar Madsen Mop Mop Music ASCAP; Tuna Fish ©2000 Gunnar Madsen Mop Mop Music ASCAP; Welcome to My Fog ©1985 Gunnar Madsen, Richard Greene Best of Breed Music ASCAP; Home on the Range lyrics by Brewster Higley, music by Daniel Kelley; All other songs ©2001 Gunnar Madsen Mop Mop Music ASCAP

photos by: David Jouris
costuming, makeup and stylizing: Amy Mordecai
art direction: Curt Collinsworth
little drawings: Gunnar
mastered by: Bob Katz, Digital Domain
produced, engineered and mixed by: Gunnar Madsen
All voices and all instruments performed by: Gunnar Madsen
recorded at: G’s Spot Studio

Thanks to: My Marcella, Abra my Pup-a-roni, Cheryl Moody, the ever-clever David Jouris, Curt Collinsworth, Amy Mordecai, Joy Gregory (for enjoying the ruffs so thoroughly!), Peter Madsen and his two coconut boys, Bob Katz and the crew at Digital Domain, Beth Blenz-Clucas, Richard Greene, Justin Roberts, Laurie Berkner, Fred Koch, City Hall Records, the Motu-Mac list, the ingenious folks at Metric Halo, Motu, Antares and Audio Ease, and Martin Guitars.

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tags: children's music comedic lullabye all that Berkeley

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Track Name: Ants in my Pants
I got ants in my pants
Nobody seems to understand
It is so hard to sit still
and wait until
The teacher sees you wave your hand
I got to got to got to go
yeah everybody don’t you know
I got the ants...in my pants

The teacher tells me to be quiet
He says “Sit in that chair”
He pretends he never had ants
In his pants
He acts like he don’t even care
I’d like to give him all my ants
And then I’d watch him do a dance
(all the way to france!)
I’d put my ants...in his pants

I wish I wish I could be calm
To be serene would be sublime
I would sit and read books
Wouldn’t get no dirty looks
I’d be contented all the time
But no matter how I try
I just can’t be that kind of guy
Fish gotta swim
And birds gotta fly
And if I don’t get to move I’m gonna die

I got the itches in my britches
And yet I’m told to settle down
I’m gonna bust all the stitches
In my britches
If I don’t’ get to move around
Yeah there’s an itch I’ve gotta scratch
I can’t sit here like I’m a chicken waitin’ for an egg to hatch
I’ve got itches
In my britches
I’ve got ants
In my pants
Track Name: Welcome to my Fog
Welcome to my fog
There's room for you to come right in
Welcome to my fog
I guess

Welcome to my fog
Just take my hand and be my friend
Welcome to my fog
I guess

When I was very young and still in school
The teacher would call on me and I wouldn't know what to do
So I would say....What?
And gee, she'd never call on me again

When I go for a drive I feel lucky to be alive
The air feels so good coming off of the hood
And I don't go very fast--I want it to last
And strangely enough, it does

Welcome to my fog
There's room for you to come right in
Welcome to my fog
I guess

The only sound that I can hear
Is when you're yelling in my ear
(Hey you!)
What?!
Hey Me?

Welcome to my fog
There's room for you to come right in
Welcome to my fog
I guess
Track Name: Don't Shake Hands with a One-Eyed Pirate
Don’t shake hands with a one-eyed pirate
Spit in the wind and you’ll get wet
If your meat isn’t green you can go ahead and eat it
You know you better eat it ‘cause it’s all you’re gonna get

Lean to port
Lean to starboard
If your keel runs deep you won’t capsize
Lean to port
Lean to starboard
You can see the sun setting in the captain’s eyes

In the captain!
In the captain!
Look into the captain’s eyes!

Swab the deck with a mop made of hair
Lash the ropes with wet rawhide
Gather all the eggs from the crow’s nest
And scramble ‘em with pickles for the captain’s bride

Lean to port
Lean to starboard
(Gotta get your sea legs!)
If your keel runs deep you won’t capsize
Lean to port
Lean to starboard
(Sharks are getting hungry!)
You can see the sun setting in the captain’s eyes

When the skies are clear we’re dancin’ on the deck
Drinkin’ pirate beer with the scarves around our neck
Our pockets full of gold and we don’t give a heck
If the ships we wrecked are sunk
Drunk
Kerplunk!

Ha ha ha
Ho ho ho
Yo ho ho ha ha ha

Come little ones, come away with me
There’s a map to the treasure, it’s marked with an x
You can trust me, Ay, I’m a one eyed pirate
If there’s ever any trouble I’ll save your necks

Lean to port
Lean to Starboard
Lose your lunch and you’ll feel better
Lean to port
Lean to Starboard
You can’t write home ‘cause you can’t write a letter from the middle of the sea, no you can’t write a letter from here!
Track Name: Tuna Fish
Tuna Fish
My parents named me Tuna Fish
It was my mother's dearest wish
That Tuna Fish be my name
(My Name)

Other boys
Have normal names like Siegfried or Roy
Because I was my mother's joy
She named her boy for a fish
(Tuna Fish)

It's not a bad name, it has a je ne sais quoi
It's a name that people remember
But on the playground when they yell
"Are you cooked or are you raw!?"
I cry, and it's cold as December

Tuna Fish
It's not like it's my favorite dish
But you can call me Tuna Fish
For truly thish is my name
(My Name)
Track Name: Old Baloney
Baloney
Big bad smell!

Abalone
Babaloney
Crow-baloney
Dough-baloney
E-baloney
Fi-Fie Fo-baloney
It’s not real
It’s Faux baloney
It’s not a meal

Go-baloney
Ho-baloney
Eye-baloney
Joe-baloney
Krab-baloney
Live alone with
My baloney
It’s not yours
It’s my baloney
It stays indoors

I Leave it in my locker for a rainy day
Old baloney gonna keep my troubles and my friends away

Baloney
Big bad smell

No baloney
Oh, baloney
Po’ baloney
Quid pro quo baloney
Michael Row baloney
Slow baloney
Toe baloney with the toe jam too
You you you baloney
Vacuum tube baloney
Woo woo woo baloney
X, Y Zoo baloney!

Leave it in your locker for a rainy day
Old baloney gonna keep your troubles and your friends away
Baloney
Big bad smell

Leave it in your locker for a rainy day
Old baloney gonna keep your troubles and your enemies and your friends and everybody away.
Baloney
Big bad smell
Baloney
Don’t feel well
Track Name: Like Two Coconuts
There’s a man on a bike with a trailer in the back
In the trailer are his two little kids
With their helmets on they giggle and laugh
And their heads bop together
Yeah their heads bop together
Yeah their heads bop together like this:

Like two coconuts
Like two coconuts
Like two coconuts they bounce and bop around
Like two coconuts
Like two coconuts
Coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut through the town
Track Name: And the Children Rolled
And the crooked man walked from his house
ba da ding ba da ding ba da ding ba da ding
And he went down to the grocery store
a ha a ha a ha
And the lady who was straight as a pin
Went down to the store cause she had to get to some food
The lady who was straight as a pin
Was hungry all the time

And they met there at the grocery store
a ha mm-hm a ha mm-hm
And they got married at half past four
a hmm click click a hmm

And their children rolled around the floor
They were round like a ball, they were round like a ball
The kids rolled around the floor
They were round like a ball mm-hm
They were round like pumpkins, round like tomatoes, round like the earth or an apple or an orange

The children rolled around the floor
The crooked man said ha ha ha
The lady straight said tee he he
And the children rolled right out the door.....

And they fell in love with an ice cream truck
yum yum a ha yum yum a ha
And they rolled around from town to town
yum yum a ha yum yum
And they grew fatter and rounder still
uh huh mm-hm uh huh mm-hm
Til they lost their truck at the top of a hill
uh huh-mm-hm uh-huh

And they tumbled tumbled tumbled tumbled
Down down down
The the the the
mountainside
They were on a roll like a jill or a jack
They heard the sobs that their mother cried
And they knew that she wanted them back

Then the door flew open and they rolled in
uh-huh, ho ho, watch out, uh huh
And knocked her over like a bowling pin
oh ho oh ho

And the children rolled around the floor
The crooked man said ha ha ha
The lady straight said tee he he
And they all were happy evermore....

Til they heard the sound of an ice cream truck
Ding a lang, lang a ding, ding a ling a lang a ding
And the crooked man skipped right outside
The lady straight was by his side
The children rolled out big and wide
Yum yum, roll roll, ha ha tee hee ding-a-ling yum yum bye bye
Track Name: Ballad of the Lonesome Rider
Out on the trail near Santa Fe
The wind stings my eyes, I’ve lost my way
I never thought she’d really leave
Now my heart aches upon my sleeve

I am a cowboy born to weep
See how my tears water the desert
Her love was hard, the things that she said hurt
Now I’m alone upon the sage

Woe, woe, woe-eeee

I am a cowboy born to cry
See how my tears fill the arroyo
She took away the source of my joy
Oh I’m so lonesome, I could die

Woe, woe, woe-eeee

I am a cowboy born to mourn
See how my tears flow through the canyon
I thought she’d be my lifelong companion
Now it’s just me, my horse, and ay, ay, ay, ayyyyyy

I am a cowboy born to grieve
Now my heart aches upon my sleeve
Track Name: Lonely Dog Tango
To be a dog is ruff sometimes
My master leaves me at home and I’m
Sad on the couch, sad on the rug, sad by the door
I gnaw on a lonely bone

The clock on the mantel says ‘tick-tock’
I drink from my bowl, I dream of a walk
I sit, rollover, play dead, I growl
I’m hounded by heartache, I unleash my mournful howl

Aroooooooooooo

I stop... What’s that? Someone’s pounding the door
It’s the neighbor, he’s shouting my name once more
I bark, I snarl, I frighten him away
He’s not my master - I will not obey!

Aroooooooooooo

The sun’s going down- Master, where are you?
I’ve chewed all my toys, I’ve chewed on your shoe
Off in the distance a fire truck rolls by
My heart aches with pain as I hear its lonesome cry

Arooooooooooooo
Track Name: I am Loved
I skip’ down the street feelin’ good
I stop and smell every rose in the neighborhood
I say hello to a squirrel
I say hello to the birds I say hello to a girl
My head’s in a whirl
‘Cause I am loved

You love me when I’m happy
You love me when I’m sad
You love me when I’m real real good
And you love me when I’ve been a little bad
No matter how far I stray
I can feel your love
Yeah you help me find my way
You make a brighter day
I am loved

Ooo, Yes I am, I am loved

Pick me up
Turn me upside down
Toss me high in the air like a circus clown
Make me giggle
Tickle my toe
Hold my hand while we walk, don’t let go
Let everybody know
That I am loved

Ooo, Yes I am, I am loved
Track Name: Are We There Yet?
Driving across the country
Sitting alone in the back seat
My forehead against the window
The powerlines swoop from
Pole to pole
Up and down
Pole to pole to pole

These fields go on forever
Nothing to look at but the billboards
We pass a line of trailers
Their wheels go spinning
Round and round
Silver
Round and round and round

(chorus)
Are we there yet, are we there yet?
When will we be there?
Are we there yet, are we there yet?
When will we be there?
Are we there yet?
No
It’s a long way to go
Are we there yet, are we there yet?
When will we be there?

We left our house this morning
We stopped and I had pancakes
My parents drink their coffee
The road ahead is disappearing
In the heat
Shining like a lake

(chorus)

The sun is going down
My eyes are tired and drowsy
I lean against my jacket
The radio goes on and on
Talking
On and on and on

(chorus)
Track Name: Mayonnaise and Pumpernickel Bread
Mayonnaise and pumpernickel bread
Put a silver dollar on your head
If you see a ghost
give it buttered toast
Most of all the ghosts are underfed

Hocka doodle ee, hocka doodle ay
Hocka doodle doo doo doo
Hocka doodle me, hocka doodle they
Hocka doodle you you you

Bounce a little baby on your knee
March it all the way to Tripoli
Goo goo ga ga goo
That’ll have to do
Baby gonna burp and poop and pee

Hocka doodle ee...

Pass the peas and toss the salad high
Toast your host until your glass is dry
Let us bless the food
Full of gratitude
Later on we’ll have a punkin’ pie

Hocka doodle ee...

Shoot the moon and whistle at a star
Jump to Jupiter in a rocket car
Soon you’ll be asleep
Countin’ wooly sheep
In your dreams you’re gonna travel far
Track Name: Home on the Range
Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day

Home, home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day

Where the air is so pure, the zephyrs so free
The breezes so balmy and light
That I would not exchange my home on the range
For all of the cities so bright

Home, home on the range
Where the deer and the antelope play
Where seldom is heard a discouraging word
And the skies are not cloudy all day