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Don't Shake Hands with a One​-​Eyed Pirate

from Ants in My Pants! by Gunnar Madsen

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lyrics

Don’t shake hands with a one-eyed pirate
Spit in the wind and you’ll get wet
If your meat isn’t green you can go ahead and eat it
You know you better eat it ‘cause it’s all you’re gonna get

Lean to port
Lean to starboard
If your keel runs deep you won’t capsize
Lean to port
Lean to starboard
You can see the sun setting in the captain’s eyes

In the captain!
In the captain!
Look into the captain’s eyes!

Swab the deck with a mop made of hair
Lash the ropes with wet rawhide
Gather all the eggs from the crow’s nest
And scramble ‘em with pickles for the captain’s bride

Lean to port
Lean to starboard
(Gotta get your sea legs!)
If your keel runs deep you won’t capsize
Lean to port
Lean to starboard
(Sharks are getting hungry!)
You can see the sun setting in the captain’s eyes

When the skies are clear we’re dancin’ on the deck
Drinkin’ pirate beer with the scarves around our neck
Our pockets full of gold and we don’t give a heck
If the ships we wrecked are sunk
Drunk
Kerplunk!

Ha ha ha
Ho ho ho
Yo ho ho ha ha ha

Come little ones, come away with me
There’s a map to the treasure, it’s marked with an x
You can trust me, Ay, I’m a one eyed pirate
If there’s ever any trouble I’ll save your necks

Lean to port
Lean to Starboard
Lose your lunch and you’ll feel better
Lean to port
Lean to Starboard
You can’t write home ‘cause you can’t write a letter from the middle of the sea, no you can’t write a letter from here!

credits

from Ants in My Pants!, released November 20, 2001
© 2001 Gunnar Madsen All rights reserved. Used by permission.
Mop Mop Music ASCAP

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all rights reserved

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Gunnar Madsen Berkeley

Gunnar Madsen is a Grammy-nominated composer/songwriter.
He’s written for the Minnesota Opera, Lincoln Center, Universal Pictures and National Public Radio;
He has performed on The Tonight Show, the Smothers Brothers Show, PBS, and the BBC.
He co-founded the internationally acclaimed acapella group The Bobs.
He co-wrote the award-winning Off-Broadway musical “The Shaggs: Philosophy of the World”
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