Ants in My Pants!

by Gunnar Madsen

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1.
I got ants in my pants Nobody seems to understand It is so hard to sit still and wait until The teacher sees you wave your hand I got to got to got to go yeah everybody don’t you know I got the ants...in my pants The teacher tells me to be quiet He says “Sit in that chair” He pretends he never had ants In his pants He acts like he don’t even care I’d like to give him all my ants And then I’d watch him do a dance (all the way to france!) I’d put my ants...in his pants I wish I wish I could be calm To be serene would be sublime I would sit and read books Wouldn’t get no dirty looks I’d be contented all the time But no matter how I try I just can’t be that kind of guy Fish gotta swim And birds gotta fly And if I don’t get to move I’m gonna die I got the itches in my britches And yet I’m told to settle down I’m gonna bust all the stitches In my britches If I don’t’ get to move around Yeah there’s an itch I’ve gotta scratch I can’t sit here like I’m a chicken waitin’ for an egg to hatch I’ve got itches In my britches I’ve got ants In my pants
2.
Welcome to my fog There's room for you to come right in Welcome to my fog I guess Welcome to my fog Just take my hand and be my friend Welcome to my fog I guess When I was very young and still in school The teacher would call on me and I wouldn't know what to do So I would say....What? And gee, she'd never call on me again When I go for a drive I feel lucky to be alive The air feels so good coming off of the hood And I don't go very fast--I want it to last And strangely enough, it does Welcome to my fog There's room for you to come right in Welcome to my fog I guess The only sound that I can hear Is when you're yelling in my ear (Hey you!) What?! Hey Me? Welcome to my fog There's room for you to come right in Welcome to my fog I guess
3.
Don’t shake hands with a one-eyed pirate Spit in the wind and you’ll get wet If your meat isn’t green you can go ahead and eat it You know you better eat it ‘cause it’s all you’re gonna get Lean to port Lean to starboard If your keel runs deep you won’t capsize Lean to port Lean to starboard You can see the sun setting in the captain’s eyes In the captain! In the captain! Look into the captain’s eyes! Swab the deck with a mop made of hair Lash the ropes with wet rawhide Gather all the eggs from the crow’s nest And scramble ‘em with pickles for the captain’s bride Lean to port Lean to starboard (Gotta get your sea legs!) If your keel runs deep you won’t capsize Lean to port Lean to starboard (Sharks are getting hungry!) You can see the sun setting in the captain’s eyes When the skies are clear we’re dancin’ on the deck Drinkin’ pirate beer with the scarves around our neck Our pockets full of gold and we don’t give a heck If the ships we wrecked are sunk Drunk Kerplunk! Ha ha ha Ho ho ho Yo ho ho ha ha ha Come little ones, come away with me There’s a map to the treasure, it’s marked with an x You can trust me, Ay, I’m a one eyed pirate If there’s ever any trouble I’ll save your necks Lean to port Lean to Starboard Lose your lunch and you’ll feel better Lean to port Lean to Starboard You can’t write home ‘cause you can’t write a letter from the middle of the sea, no you can’t write a letter from here!
4.
02:08
Tuna Fish My parents named me Tuna Fish It was my mother's dearest wish That Tuna Fish be my name (My Name) Other boys Have normal names like Siegfried or Roy Because I was my mother's joy She named her boy for a fish (Tuna Fish) It's not a bad name, it has a je ne sais quoi It's a name that people remember But on the playground when they yell "Are you cooked or are you raw!?" I cry, and it's cold as December Tuna Fish It's not like it's my favorite dish But you can call me Tuna Fish For truly thish is my name (My Name)
5.
02:46
Baloney Big bad smell! Abalone Babaloney Crow-baloney Dough-baloney E-baloney Fi-Fie Fo-baloney It’s not real It’s Faux baloney It’s not a meal Go-baloney Ho-baloney Eye-baloney Joe-baloney Krab-baloney Live alone with My baloney It’s not yours It’s my baloney It stays indoors I Leave it in my locker for a rainy day Old baloney gonna keep my troubles and my friends away Baloney Big bad smell No baloney Oh, baloney Po’ baloney Quid pro quo baloney Michael Row baloney Slow baloney Toe baloney with the toe jam too You you you baloney Vacuum tube baloney Woo woo woo baloney X, Y Zoo baloney! Leave it in your locker for a rainy day Old baloney gonna keep your troubles and your friends away Baloney Big bad smell Leave it in your locker for a rainy day Old baloney gonna keep your troubles and your enemies and your friends and everybody away. Baloney Big bad smell Baloney Don’t feel well
6.
There’s a man on a bike with a trailer in the back In the trailer are his two little kids With their helmets on they giggle and laugh And their heads bop together Yeah their heads bop together Yeah their heads bop together like this: Like two coconuts Like two coconuts Like two coconuts they bounce and bop around Like two coconuts Like two coconuts Coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut, coconut through the town
7.
And the crooked man walked from his house ba da ding ba da ding ba da ding ba da ding And he went down to the grocery store a ha a ha a ha And the lady who was straight as a pin Went down to the store cause she had to get to some food The lady who was straight as a pin Was hungry all the time And they met there at the grocery store a ha mm-hm a ha mm-hm And they got married at half past four a hmm click click a hmm And their children rolled around the floor They were round like a ball, they were round like a ball The kids rolled around the floor They were round like a ball mm-hm They were round like pumpkins, round like tomatoes, round like the earth or an apple or an orange The children rolled around the floor The crooked man said ha ha ha The lady straight said tee he he And the children rolled right out the door..... And they fell in love with an ice cream truck yum yum a ha yum yum a ha And they rolled around from town to town yum yum a ha yum yum And they grew fatter and rounder still uh huh mm-hm uh huh mm-hm Til they lost their truck at the top of a hill uh huh-mm-hm uh-huh And they tumbled tumbled tumbled tumbled Down down down The the the the mountainside They were on a roll like a jill or a jack They heard the sobs that their mother cried And they knew that she wanted them back Then the door flew open and they rolled in uh-huh, ho ho, watch out, uh huh And knocked her over like a bowling pin oh ho oh ho And the children rolled around the floor The crooked man said ha ha ha The lady straight said tee he he And they all were happy evermore.... Til they heard the sound of an ice cream truck Ding a lang, lang a ding, ding a ling a lang a ding And the crooked man skipped right outside The lady straight was by his side The children rolled out big and wide Yum yum, roll roll, ha ha tee hee ding-a-ling yum yum bye bye
8.
Out on the trail near Santa Fe The wind stings my eyes, I’ve lost my way I never thought she’d really leave Now my heart aches upon my sleeve I am a cowboy born to weep See how my tears water the desert Her love was hard, the things that she said hurt Now I’m alone upon the sage Woe, woe, woe-eeee I am a cowboy born to cry See how my tears fill the arroyo She took away the source of my joy Oh I’m so lonesome, I could die Woe, woe, woe-eeee I am a cowboy born to mourn See how my tears flow through the canyon I thought she’d be my lifelong companion Now it’s just me, my horse, and ay, ay, ay, ayyyyyy I am a cowboy born to grieve Now my heart aches upon my sleeve
9.
To be a dog is ruff sometimes My master leaves me at home and I’m Sad on the couch, sad on the rug, sad by the door I gnaw on a lonely bone The clock on the mantel says ‘tick-tock’ I drink from my bowl, I dream of a walk I sit, rollover, play dead, I growl I’m hounded by heartache, I unleash my mournful howl Aroooooooooooo I stop... What’s that? Someone’s pounding the door It’s the neighbor, he’s shouting my name once more I bark, I snarl, I frighten him away He’s not my master - I will not obey! Aroooooooooooo The sun’s going down- Master, where are you? I’ve chewed all my toys, I’ve chewed on your shoe Off in the distance a fire truck rolls by My heart aches with pain as I hear its lonesome cry Arooooooooooooo
10.
03:30
I skip’ down the street feelin’ good I stop and smell every rose in the neighborhood I say hello to a squirrel I say hello to the birds I say hello to a girl My head’s in a whirl ‘Cause I am loved You love me when I’m happy You love me when I’m sad You love me when I’m real real good And you love me when I’ve been a little bad No matter how far I stray I can feel your love Yeah you help me find my way You make a brighter day I am loved Ooo, Yes I am, I am loved Pick me up Turn me upside down Toss me high in the air like a circus clown Make me giggle Tickle my toe Hold my hand while we walk, don’t let go Let everybody know That I am loved Ooo, Yes I am, I am loved
11.
Driving across the country Sitting alone in the back seat My forehead against the window The powerlines swoop from Pole to pole Up and down Pole to pole to pole These fields go on forever Nothing to look at but the billboards We pass a line of trailers Their wheels go spinning Round and round Silver Round and round and round (chorus) Are we there yet, are we there yet? When will we be there? Are we there yet, are we there yet? When will we be there? Are we there yet? No It’s a long way to go Are we there yet, are we there yet? When will we be there? We left our house this morning We stopped and I had pancakes My parents drink their coffee The road ahead is disappearing In the heat Shining like a lake (chorus) The sun is going down My eyes are tired and drowsy I lean against my jacket The radio goes on and on Talking On and on and on (chorus)
12.
Mayonnaise and pumpernickel bread Put a silver dollar on your head If you see a ghost give it buttered toast Most of all the ghosts are underfed Hocka doodle ee, hocka doodle ay Hocka doodle doo doo doo Hocka doodle me, hocka doodle they Hocka doodle you you you Bounce a little baby on your knee March it all the way to Tripoli Goo goo ga ga goo That’ll have to do Baby gonna burp and poop and pee Hocka doodle ee... Pass the peas and toss the salad high Toast your host until your glass is dry Let us bless the food Full of gratitude Later on we’ll have a punkin’ pie Hocka doodle ee... Shoot the moon and whistle at a star Jump to Jupiter in a rocket car Soon you’ll be asleep Countin’ wooly sheep In your dreams you’re gonna travel far
13.
Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam Where the deer and the antelope play Where seldom is heard a discouraging word And the skies are not cloudy all day Home, home on the range Where the deer and the antelope play Where seldom is heard a discouraging word And the skies are not cloudy all day Where the air is so pure, the zephyrs so free The breezes so balmy and light That I would not exchange my home on the range For all of the cities so bright Home, home on the range Where the deer and the antelope play Where seldom is heard a discouraging word And the skies are not cloudy all day

about

• Parents' Choice Gold Award
• Publishers Weekly "Listen Up" Award
• CMW "Best Recording for Older Children"
• One of 200 CDs that Mattered in 2001 - Tower Pulse Magazine

"Uproarious, dizzyingly imaginative! “ Family Fun Magazine

“A breathtakingly lovely journey of the imagination.” Parents’ Choice®

"Wildly entertaining and highly recommended!" Midwest Book Review

“As witty as all get-out and often unexpectedly touching, too. As much for adults to enjoy as children, with fab, sophisticated instrumentals and vocals--some from his a cappella roots--gorgeous melodies, and musical references to classic Elvis, doo-wop, early 1960s rock and 1940s singing cowboys.”
Los Angeles Times

“Your child’s bound to lap it all up." Parenting Magazine

credits

released November 20, 2001

Ballad of the Lonesome Rider ©1999 Gunnar Madsen Mop Mop Music ASCAP; Tuna Fish ©2000 Gunnar Madsen Mop Mop Music ASCAP; Welcome to My Fog ©1985 Gunnar Madsen, Richard Greene Best of Breed Music ASCAP; Home on the Range lyrics by Brewster Higley, music by Daniel Kelley; All other songs ©2001 Gunnar Madsen Mop Mop Music ASCAP

photos by: David Jouris
costuming, makeup and stylizing: Amy Mordecai
art direction: Curt Collinsworth
little drawings: Gunnar
mastered by: Bob Katz, Digital Domain
produced, engineered and mixed by: Gunnar Madsen
All voices and all instruments performed by: Gunnar Madsen
recorded at: G’s Spot Studio

Thanks to: My Marcella, Abra my Pup-a-roni, Cheryl Moody, the ever-clever David Jouris, Curt Collinsworth, Amy Mordecai, Joy Gregory (for enjoying the ruffs so thoroughly!), Peter Madsen and his two coconut boys, Bob Katz and the crew at Digital Domain, Beth Blenz-Clucas, Richard Greene, Justin Roberts, Laurie Berkner, Fred Koch, City Hall Records, the Motu-Mac list, the ingenious folks at Metric Halo, Motu, Antares and Audio Ease, and Martin Guitars.

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Gunnar Madsen Berkeley

Gunnar Madsen is a Grammy-nominated composer/songwriter.
He’s written for the Minnesota Opera, Lincoln Center, Universal Pictures and National Public Radio;
He has performed on The Tonight Show, the Smothers Brothers Show, PBS, and the BBC.
He co-founded the internationally acclaimed acapella group The Bobs.
He co-wrote the award-winning Off-Broadway musical “The Shaggs: Philosophy of the World”
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